Oh the Guilt!

On this particular morning race training starts at 10 am. I woke up so tired. I tried to stay in bed a little longer but just couldn't sleep anymore. I went through my morning ritual, but I couldn't shake the lethargy. My limbs felt heavy and leadened.

I gathered my gear together anyhow and loaded it into the car. The morning was spring-like. The air damp and on the verge of a drizzle. I walked back into the house and grabbed a rain jacket, just in case. In the short time it took me to get my jacket, the mist had turned into a steady light drizzle. The fatigue won out. I went back inside.

Then the guilt began. "I'm tired. Take advantage of this time and get some rest." I tried to tell myself.

I sunk into a comfortable chair. Emma, my black cat, snuggled on my lap. I drifted off fitfully. My dreams were unsettled. I should be doing more purposeful things. Was I really tired or just using the fibro as an excuse for laziness? My fibro is acting up, that's why I'm not skiing well. Suck it up, you should be training.Outside the rain increased in intensity. I reassured myself.  "It's okay, better to be home than cold and wet."

I drifted in and out of sleep a little longer. Then I awoke to bright sunshine. Amazingly the lethargy lifted with the clouds. I was ready to ski. I grabbed some lunch and headed out. Was it the fibro? Was it all in my mind? The tricks the fibro plays.