Friday, April 15, 2011

Fatigue

I have sailed into the doldrums and in the center of this devastating calm is a freakish whirlpool that is sucking me down, down, down; down towards calm enticing oblivion. I am so tired.

I am so tired that writing this is extremely difficult. I struggle over every word. My body is heavy, a little achy, but not so much so. It is just an effort to do anything. All I want to do is sleep. I feel no interest or enthusiasm for anything. I don't have enough energy.

This is how the fatigue of fibro hits me. It comes on suddenly. Once it arrives there is no way out until it passes. Even when I see the storm moving in, like I did earlier this week, I can't always dodge it. Fortunately because I was already feeling overwhelmed, I had planned some down time. Maybe I could have taken things slower last week, and this wouldn't have happened, but you never know. I don't want to lose the opportunity of getting a lot done when I am feeling sharp and energetic.

I've actually had two nights of what passes as decent sleep for me, but that's what happens with fibro fatigue, it's not enough. I need to vegetate for at least a day or two.

Sometimes these periods go on for months. I get through the day, doing what I absolutely must, but no more, but I am not at my sharpest mentally or emotionally. During these periods, I'm like Humpty Dumpty. My emotions are so fragile, that if I fall, I'll shatter into a thousand pieces.

All I can do is rest as much as I can this weekend, and hope my energy returns by Monday.

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