Slowing Down

I am overwhelmed. I am so overwhelmed, that my mind and mouth are racing so fast, I think I just exhausted one of my friends just by talking to her. I am overwhelmed because there is so much to do right now.

I need to get my rental property opened for the summer. This means cleaning it, making necessary repairs, and getting the grounds in order by Memorial Day weekend. This is extremely important, because this property is my primary source of income for the summer.

In the past year, because of my father's declining health, I became my parent's primary caregiver, which has limited my employment options. I need more flexibility than most employers will permit. If I take a full-time job, for reasons that are beyond the boundaries of this blog and my personal privacy, family dynamics will require that I still take care of my parents in addition to that job. That probably won't end well.

I am feverishly working on two books. I really need to publish and sell these books. Establishing myself as an author will fulfill a life-long dream, help my sagging self-esteem, and provide me with the job flexibility that I need.

I am an emerging artist, previously a hobby, that is also another dream of mine. Getting known as an artist and even selling a piece takes a lot of time an effort. I am trying to sell my work on Etsy in my shop, Cheshire Inn Creations. I also have an exhibit of my artwork at Tango Cafe coming up in May that I must prepare for.

Another odd talent I have is baking. This talent emerged during my years as an innkeeper for a bed and breakfast (the property I now rent). I like to bake. I find it very therapeutic. To generate some pocket money last summer, I started selling some of my baked goods and ended up with a booth, once-a-week, at the Mendon Farmers Market. Since I will be there again this summer, this too requires preparation. 

So my loyal readers, I have just multi-tasked by putting a plug in for everything I'm doing. With this list, why would I possibly be overwhelmed? Obviously, I have too many irons in the fire. Get rid of some of them you might say. Focus! Slow down! What's the rush?

The rush is I am running out of funds. Taking care of my parents has taken a financial toll on me. I feel a real urgency to accompish something that will generate a living wage, but I also need to take any work that comes my way to make ends meet. Freelance editing, if I can find it. Custom portraits, ad hoc catering help and selling bake goods, just to pay the bills for one more week. It's demoralizing. I have an MBA, and I feel like a total loser some days.

So other than using today's entry as a forum for venting all my frustrations, what does this have to do with fibromyalgia? STRESS. Stress is a trigger, and boy am I priming the barrel.

Yesterday I interviewed Kristy. Kristy is about 30 years old. Old enough to be a young-woman, but young enough for me to think of her as a kid. This kid has a lot of sense. She felt fibromyalgia was a gift, and I am now paraphrasing, because I just don't have time to review my interview notes and recordings for her exact words, It is a gift because now that she understands what's wrong with her she doesn't push herself so hard, she's enjoying life more. It is okay not to do everything. I could learn a lot from Kristy.

So I am giving thanks to Kristy tonight, I am still feeling overwhelmed, but I am stopping to regroup. Last night instead of trying to finish my to-do list when I was running on empty, I acknowledged the pain and stiffness in my back and elbows. I did only what was absolutely necessary, then I sat down and watched a movie. I took an Ambien, turned off my alarm-clock, and allowed myself to sleep in. My pets only let me sleep to a point, but I feel they were rather generous.

This morning, I looked at my to-do list, and determined what was absolutely necessary. This entry being one of the items. The rest can wait. I will do the same tomorrow, and I will sit down at some point during the week and pare down my tasks for the next few weeks. That might mean, that to get the house open, I set the books aside for a couple of weeks. I need to take the pressure off myself and accept that I can't do it all, at least not at once.