Guilt

Everyone whether they have fibromyalgia or not experiences guilt at some time in their lives. For people with chronic pain, guilt is insidious.

For myself, fibromyalgia is a trip of pain, frustration, and guilt. I am frustrated by wanting to do more, and not always being able to. I hate it when people set obstacles in my way, and that’s what fibromyalgia does to me. Control is important to me, but fibromyalgia takes control out of my hands. Often I don’t feel I am doing as much as I could do. Just as an alcoholic might place the blame for his irresponsibility on his disease, fibromyalgia can seem like an excuse for laziness or weakness. I have guilt feelings that I use it as a crutch when I can’t keep up with others. Although I know my symptoms are real, guilt is an unfortunate side effect of the discomforts of fibromyalgia.

For Misha the guilt can be overwhelming when she feels she’s not doing her best because of a flare. “Be a good wife. Be a good mom. So when I can’t, when I have a flare-up, it gets me really depressed because I feel like I should be able to do more. If I’m feeling really bad and my daughter has a day off from school, and she wants to actually spend time with me, and I can’t, then I feel really guilty. Those moments are few and far between because she’s a teenager.”

Although Andrew's congregation provides him with a great deal of warmth, compassion, and understanding, it is difficult not to feel guilt. It comes with the territory. “No matter how bad you feel, don’t you find it difficult at times to justify that you just can’t do it? And you think to yourself that I probably could if I just put a little more effort in to it. That’s a very common reaction. And it’s not one that just dissipates over time.”