My Diagnosis

My husband and I were DINKS (dual-income-no-kids). We owned a gorgeous new home in one of the up and coming suburbs of central-New Jersey and we both had great-paying jobs. On the outside, we couldn’t be a more perfect couple, but as we all know, looks can be deceiving. My husband was a cancer survivor, and although we wanted to start a family, his illness left him infertile.

To make matters worse, I started having lower back problems that continued for months. Sometimes the pain was so bad it nauseated me. Some mornings, the pain was so bad I had to take painkillers and return to bed. Being relatively young, and having never experienced chronic pain, I naively thought the problem would go away.

When I repeatedly sprained the same ankle, I finally decided to see a doctor. After all, I could live with nauseating back pain, but falling every other step was really inconvenient. After many therapeutic treatments with no success, I mentioned to the podiatrist that the ankle pain radiated up my leg to my back. “I think you have another problem,” he responded.

He sent me to a back doctor who diagnosed degenerative disc disease in my lower back. Now, you may be wondering what this has to do with my fibromyalgia. We all know people who have bad discs in their backs. My back and ankle problem had nothing to do with the eventual diagnosis, but it was the first step towards the diagnosis of my fibromyalgia.

Shortly thereafter, I started having intense pain in my upper back and shoulders. My doctor immediately assumed it was more back trouble, and I was sent for an MRI. When the doctor received the results, I was informed that the upper discs of my back were fine. He asked me to lie face down on the exam table and started poking at me. I didn’t know why he was doing this, but some of the spots he pressed were so painful, I nearly leapt off the exam table. He diagnosed fibromyalgia, which I never heard of, told me I would always have some pain, prescribed an anti-depressant (often used to treat fibro), and suggested I read a book on the subject. I was 38. I can’t say this diagnosis shocked me or caused immediate life-changes. I had never heard of fibromyalgia and had absolutely no expectations.

My husband and I separated not long after the diagnosis. There was a lot going on in my life at the time. I was going through a divorce, starting a new life, and accordingly, suffering from depression. At some point I stopped taking the anti-depressant. I’m don’t know if it helped or not, and I couldn’t afford the cost of the prescription. A chronic pain diagnosis only muddied my thoughts and actions even more. It would take me a few years to sort out what was causing what.