Staying Motivated

In the musical Evita, Evita sings the following line to Juan Peron,  "Sometimes it's very difficult to keep momentum if it's you that you are following." That is exactly how I am feeling now. Although not unexpected, the rejections for both books I am working on are rolling in.

The fatigue that has been building for the last couple weeks is here in force. I am functioning, I am making myself do things, but I am in a state of utter exhaustion. The pain isn't bad -- yet. The trigger for this fatigue is IBS. The discomfort from the flare-up of my IBS is keeping me from sleeping at night. There's no point in using a sleep aid, because I wake up regardless, almost hourly. It's been that way for a few nights now. I want to sleep. I fall asleep fairly easily, but I cannot stay asleep. I can't even nap. There is too much discomfort in my belly.

I try to keep going, but my mind is fogging. I find it difficult to concentrate or make coherent conversation. I left my notebook behind while running errands today. I had trouble navigating a shopping cart through the store. It made me wonder if I should have been driving, but I made it home safely. My memory is shutting down. I walk into a room to do something, and I stand there staring blankly. Writing this is extremely difficult. My fingers stumble over the keys, and I fight to remember what I want to say.

I need a good night's sleep, and until the IBS settles down I won't get it. Everything is starting to feel a bit overwhelming, I hope I can kick this flare soon and regain my earlier energy for this project.